From the Guidance Counselor's Office

Listening is Key

The most important advice I can give you is to listen, really listen. As a parent, I know your days are full of so many things and at times you just want to relax, and now you know that won't happen. Your kid has come in with something very important on his mind. You are tempted to say, "Can't it wait? I am so tired." But don't say that. He needs to share his thoughts now. Waiting until later might make a big difference.

Then, find a nice comfortable place to sit down and LISTEN to what he has to say. These are his thoughts, his feelings, so don't intersperse yours. He needs to have the floor all to himself. He needs to feel empowered since it may be difficult for him to share. As he talks, look closely at his body language; it will often convey more to you than his words. Are his eyes filling up with tears? Is he looking right at you as he speaks? Has he moved away from you? You get my drift.

And as for you, sit there, listen compassionately, but without showing too much emotion. Yelling never solved anything and, believe me, he will just tune you out! Every once in a while,  say uh huh or ask for clarification, but whatever you do, do not find fault with him or stop him from telling his story. It must be told. He needs to air it and share it and he won't do that if you try to interject with stories of your own or seem judgmental or perhaps disinterested.

After he has finished,  ask him how he feels and what he thinks he should do  about the situation. It is so much better if he comes up with a plan. Then he will be taking ownership of his decision and really want to follow through on it. Yes, offer him some advice, too, but only after he has thought out a plan of his own. Discuss the options. Ask him why he is choosing to do such and such. Just make sure when you end the conversation that he has come up with a plan and that he can see some light at the end of the tunnel. If he wants your help, offer it, but try to let him work through the problem by himself as much as he can. Speak in modulated tones

Until next time....I look forward to hearing your thoughts, so send them my way. My door is always open.
 

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